Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
