God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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