Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have feelings that need drinking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
