I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
