I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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