but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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