So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
