shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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