Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My cat gives me a boner
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Terrible idea I love it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
