Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
