so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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