I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
