im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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