What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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