I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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