Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
