um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you never un-have a 4some
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
