You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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