I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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