Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
