i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
