It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
