I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
