I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
