Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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