yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
