You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
