I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
