i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
