i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
