Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
