All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
