All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
