tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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