Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
