He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
