I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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