i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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