I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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