party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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