We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize