Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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