ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
