Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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