It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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