So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
