weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
