so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Mom said you looked used
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
