There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
