I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize