Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
