Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
