dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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