it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
