Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
