every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
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There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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